sometimes when i am feeling low and insecure those little thoughts start to creep into my mind and i think thoughts like, "was my westmont education worth my being a stay at home mom?" am i disappointing those professors who believed in me and encouraged me to dream big dreams? have i let down my parents? do my friends my high school laugh at me while taking a break from their graduate school studies?
but those are my low moments. and in my high moments, those four years were some of my most precious. every memory i have of that place is warm and lovely or i see exactly how it changed me and made me stronger. there is one conversation i had with the much esteemed dr. marilyn mcentyre when i was going through a period of compassion burnout. almost every day i was looking at the pain and suffering of the world and my little heart was starting to break and fall into despair. "you can't do everything," she wisely cautioned me as we talked in heironymous lounge. "pull out of the system where you can."
pull out of the system where you can.
feel the nudge of the Spirit.
pray for the Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven.
i've been reflecting on those words over the last few weeks as i started reading this series by elizabeth ivie (or 'e' as we refer to her when my girlfriends and i pretend that we're real life friends with her). she's a beautiful writer, and her story of losing the family grocery store is devastating and heart-wrenching. inspired by her story, i have decided pull out of the system where i can and begin shopping at happy harry's, our neighborhood grocery store.
now, i have no illusions that i am on a one-woman mission to "save" this store. the parking lot is crowded every time i go in, so for all i know, they're a sound business. but, i love that my money is staying in my community, that the produce and meat i buy is local within one hundred miles, and that the one gal who works the register gives her dad a call if a customer can't find something. i want to put my roots into my community, to put a face to where i spend my money. this is the system i can plug into. and i think dr. mcentyre would approve.